Hotlines and Hot Dreams
by ICanDoThisWithMyEyesClosed
Summary: Duke Devlin never realised that his wet dream- or rather, nightmare- turned out to be reality. Duke/Yugi. Rated M for strong language and strong sex references. Also contains weird humour! Yay! First Yu-Gi-Oh! fanfiction..


**2013 Update**: Oh goodness. I'm still conflicted if I should remove this or not, but some people seem to really like it so I'm keeping this up for the moment- but this story will be discontinued.  
>So if you're into badly-written fics with terrible humour then this is the story for you!<p>

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As an early birthday present to myself, I wrote this. I started watching the Yu-Gi-Oh! Abridged series, and I.. then started.. watching the actual show. I.. liked it? Does that make me insane? D:

Anyway, apologies if Duke's character seems a little out of character, I don't actually know his personality very well, so he may seem more Abridged-y than what he actually is.. Sorry! But this is a humour-ish fanfic! So enjoy! -It should be illegal for me to make 'humour' fanfictions, I'm bad at them- This chapter DOES contain hints of Yaoi. It gets worse. Trust me. xD

Disclaimer: Yu-Gi-Oh! is owned by Kazuki Takahashi and Konami (?), not me. Neither is the PlayBoy mansion, or the PlayBoy franchise.

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><p>"Damn, where is everybody?"<p>

In Duke Devlin's Dictionary, 'everybody' is another word for 'girls who are legal'. He sighed, letting himself drop harshly onto the nearest couch.

He was expecting 'everybody' to be crowding outside his house, begging on their own hands and knees to be allowed into the famous Devlin's PlayBoy Mansion to meet the man himself.

In Duke Devlin's Dictionary, 'Devlin's PlayBoy Mansion' was a cheap, run-down flat.

He sighed again, playing with his dark, almost completely black hair, twirling it around his slender fingers, wondering about what to do next.

_I COULD phone Yugi to see if he would dare to duel me again.. Naah, he's probably screwing Tea or something.._

He smiled faintly, his thoughts luring him into day-dreaming.

_Tea was bending over a desk, and her hands were handcuffed. Her surprisingly large chest and the rest of her thin body was fully exposed. Her pale face was being invaded by a hot red flush of embarrasment._

_Then Yugi came in, wearing only tight pants that just barely kept in his throbbing erection, smacking a kinky whip against his palm and smirking pervertedly at Tea. He slowly walked over to her, raising the whip, and-_

Duke shook his head frantically, snapping out of his daydream.

_Too far, too far, too far,.. That should be me, or at least some other chick smacking her!_

A grin was slowly formed as that last thought passed his mind.

_Hrmm.. What about Serenity doing it with Tea..? What an aweso-_

The telephone rang loudly, interrupting him. He grunted in effort as he sat up, reaching over to it. His fingers stroked the cable, before he grabbed it, letting the phone drop to the carpet-covered ground. A small voice could be heard before he brought the phone up to his ear.

"Hey." He said plainly, waiting patiently for an answer.

"Hey there."

He smirked cheekily. It was a woman. "You alright?"

"I'm good.. and how are you?"

"I'm great.."

"Your voice sounds so different on the phone.. still _sexy _though.." The girl laughed huskily through the phone. Duke's smirk grew into a grin. He liked where this was going.

"And who is this beautiful lady that I am having the pleasure to speak to?" He asked, mimicking the woman's seductive voice.

She laughed again, this time a little more nervously. "..You're kidding, right?"

"What do you mean?"

"You gave me this number.." Her voice trailed off. There was a pause.

"When?" He was frowning now, trying his best to stay cool and keep his voice low.

"Last night, remember, Joey..?"

"_Joey_?" He exclaimed.

_For the love of teenagers, please, tell me it's not THAT Joey..!_

"I-I think I have the wrong number.." The girl's voice began to sound sped up and panicky. "I'm so sorry! Uh, um! Goodbye!"

"Wait! Joey Whe-" He gasped in shock. There was a flat tone. "She.. She hung up on me?.."

He slumped back onto the couch, snorting in disgust.

_She doesn't understand what privilege and opportunity she has just missed.. Bitch.._

"Keep your cool, Duke," he repeated aloud to himself. "Keep your cool." He took a deep breath in through his nose, and out of his mouth. It always worked for him.

He stared at the telephone that was lying uselessly on his lap. He could still hear the flat tone. He picked it up and placed it onto the telephone-holder, not really knowing why he still had a telephone that wasn't wireless like everyone else's.

He went over his incredibly short conversation with the anonymous woman over and over in his mind. He loved the adrenaline rush when he was talking to a stranger..

In Duke Devlin's Dictionary, 'stranger' stands for 'girls who have nice voices. This voice can be heard through a day-to-day conversation, whether it is through technology like phones (See defenition of: Phone Sex) or when talking to them personally. (See definition of: Friendly Rape)'.

His emerald eyes lit up in amusement.

"Phone sex..!" He chuckled to himself. "..How the hell could I forget such a thing! This will definitely pass the time.."

Due to his excessive time spent on phone calls to paid strangers (See: Hookers and Lookers in Duke Devlin's Dictionary) he knew that phoning from a landlines costed less per minute, most of the time.

Picking up the telephone again, nearly shaking in excitement, he dialled one of his favourite sex lines that he had memorised.

Jumping back onto the couch, putting his feet up on the table to make himself as comfortable as possible, he listened for that far too memorable woman to make her introduction, before the actual phone sex begins. The woman didn't make the most sexiest introduction ever, but it was better than nothing.

Actually, he preferred sex lines which did not have an introduction.

"Hello listener," a woman purred on the other side of the line. "And welcome to the HOTline Limited, where we aim to.. _satisfy you_, and your every need- guaranteed.. Press 1 for some-"

Duke pressed 1 on instinct. He knew all of this already. Every time he did this, a small flashback appeared at the back of his mind, teasing him for accidentally pressing '2' once.

He remember at how disturbed he was when a man began talking about his sexual fantasies about other men, instead of a woman. He shuddered at the thought. It was too explicit, even for him.

Slow, seductive music began to play. He was in one of those 'queues' that you get put in when you're making a call to a company. He was a care-free and patient guy, but the queues was one of the things that he hated to be put through.

He cleared his throat as he waited for any stranger to start talking.

"Hello, sailor.." A woman whispered.

_Ain't no sailor, just Duke Devlin._

"My name is Katie, at your service.."

"Hey, Katie.. nice name.." He played with his long hair without even realising it. The stranger giggled.

"Thank you, you charmer! And what is your name, or should I just call you.. _Master_..?" She sounded breathy as she emphasised the word 'Master'. Duke laughed.

"You can call me anything you want, baby. But I would choose a name very soon, as you'll be screaming it in pleasure later.."

"Ohh," Katie happily moaned. "I like the way that you say _pleasure_.. So.. _Master_.. where are you right now?"

"I'm in my.. PlayBoy Mansion, laying down on my bed.." Lies oozed out of his mouth, but his voice did not change. It was still early, though he could already feel his manhood rising.

"Aha.. I'm in my bed, too.. I'm rubbing the satin sheets right now, thinking about you.."

Duke bit his lip. Satin sheets. For some reason, they turned him on, even if there was no-one lying on them.

"Want to know what I'm wearing, Master..?" Katie continued. The former Dice Master lips formed into a pout, before returning to his normal, sexy smile again.

"What are you wearing, babe?"

"I'm wearing.. a white, see-through vest, red panties and these _really_tight stockings.. I think that I should take them off; all of it.."

"I think that that's the best idea since the 69 position." He approved.

The woman chuckled, breathing heavily. "I think so, too.. you like that position..?"

"It's a win-win, baby! Pleasure for yours truly, and pleasure for the beautiful girl underneath me."

"Yeah, yeah, I hear you.. I can imagine that.. but don't worry, Master, I'll do the work.. you just sit back, and _relax_.. I'll suck your hard cock, and I will lap it all up like a pussycat."

"Mi-aow!" Devlin added in. He had stopped grooming his hair- the hand had trailed down his chest, down to his stomach and stopped at his trouser zip. His fingers toyed with the zip. He frowned, feeling his mobile vibrate in his pocket.

_A text message?_

"Speaking of _pussy_cats.. would you like me to put my fingers-"

"You molest kittens?" Duke asked, already losing interest as he read the text. It was from Yugi.

"..N-No..!" Katie gasped, starting to rant about how she would never hurt an animal.

Duke skimmed through the text in his mind, fully ignoring the woman.

_'Hello, Duke! My friends and I are going to the new Arcade that's just opened up in town. Would you care to join us? We could even duel there, if you would like!'_

"..llo?"

"What?" Duke gazed at the time. 2:15. He couldn't resist a duel. "S-Sorry, I mean, what were you saying?"

"Umm.. I was just asking if you have a fetish or something, involving kittens.."

His mind went blank, completely forgetting the conversation he had just had with her. He opened his mouth to protest that he had nothing to do with assaulting kittens, or at least not _those _kinds of kittens.

But all that came out was a strangled croak.

"Hello?" Katie repeated for the fifth time. She was now becoming impatient with her client. "Do you want me to-"

"What I want you to do, beautiful.." He started, then stopped to think what he wanted her to do. "..Is to describe to me what you would do to me. But.. make it a quickie."

"A quickie?"

"Yes, a quickie. Make it fast."

"Umm.." There was a long silence.

This wasn't working. Operation Phone Sex had failed. He sighed irritably at the stranger, who was still quiet.

"Never mind. You did great.. Thanks."

"Right, well.. se-" Her voice was cut off by another woman. "Your call has been disconnected. To try again, please pre-"

Duke gently placed the phone on the telephone holder for the second time that day. He rubbed his hands against his face, yawning.

_I have to go and duel Yugi.. I have to! Unlucky mornings usually end with a lucky night.. I'll beat him for sure. Luck is on my side._

He stared at the carpet flooring for a few seconds. Exhaustion had washed over him as if from nowhere. He closed his eyes, only meaning to take a short nap.

His mobile vibrated again. He opened his tired eyes, and checked the message.

"..Huh?" He re-read the text, this time, aloud. "'_Tea and Serenity are here, wink, wink.. And I am, too xx'_. From.. Yugi? What the hell..?"

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><p>Hmm, what could Yugi want? Wink, wink..<p>

What did you think? Sorry if it seemed a little rushed towards the end, I didn't mean it to. I actually spent a lot of time on this.. doing.. 'research'. There was a longer version of the actual Phone Sex, but it was a little too explicit.. ^_^'

My first Yu-Gi-Oh! fanfic! Reviews are much appreciated~


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